Women ....

One subject I never really thought about writing about in particular was the fact that women drink and are drinking more than ever. I can't use an excuse myself with regards to today, I drank before the craze for young women getting drunk in the streets became so popular. I suppose that means I am not sexist !

I just talk about the benefits and downfalls of drinking and stopping/reducing drinking for all of us, no matter who, what, why or where ....

I do know that mental ill health isn't helped by excess alcohol consumption. It's used to extinguish those deep down fears and nightmares that many people with mental ill health may have. Not only that but to moderate behaviour, and that just ends up increasing another ill health behaviour in return.

Women often feel powerless and vulnerable in society in general once they leave the full time workforce to have children, it can lead to alcohol abuse as a prop to coping with family life, depression, agrophobia, anxiety and possible domestic violence.

The opposite can be true for high-flying women attempting to break the glass ceiling, although mental health issues here are more likely to be stress and begins with the odd glass of alcohol to socialise or ''wind-down''.

It's very difficult in that situation to even recognise that you have an alcohol problem sitting alongside the mental ill health. Why I am saying about mental ill health under the subject women and alcohol is that more women self-diagnose and self-treat these problems with alcohol and pain killers than we are led to believe.

Firstly, the stigma and worries about family disruption and break-up if you admit to these problems, then secondly it's sometimes easier to retreat into the ''nice'' feelings you get when self-treating. The only real downfall is that your family is imploding from within and you are self-destructing. The final event might be set on a long timer but it will happen eventually if you keep drinking.

It's such a shame that resources aren't in place to support women before they hit the ground ..... and everything around them disintegrates ...

References: http://alcoholism.about.com/od/women

http://www.mind.org.uk/help/people_groups_and_communities/women_and_mental_health#substance
www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-violence-survivors-handbook.asp?section000100010008000100360002

I just went to drinkaware.co.uk for the first time, I never seem to be online when the adverts come on, then forget to go check it out. In the UK at the end of the alcohol adverts a few words come on the screen about drinking sensibly and visiting drinkaware. I must admit the adverts don't really turn me on to alcohol, they appear to be aimed at both sexes-amazingly. For women they say drink this and look wonderfully attractive to the other sex, and for men to drink and be macho and .... yes, you guessed it, attractive to the other sex.Now for me someone having a few drinks doesn't bother me. I am happily middle of the road, neither a fanatical anti-drinker nor a person who still pushes drinks on you, but these adverts are, as adverts are wont to be, very misleading. A woman who has a few too many drinks is neither attractive nor sexy, and is going to end up a liability to herself in terms of her own safety.

As with a man who drinks too much, he may end up feeling macho but is usually, in reality, a drunken yob.

I suppose what I am trying to say is, if the alcohol ads want to show they really are concerned with the health and well-being of people buying their product then they should show the real side of drinking too much and knowing your limits, they should end their ad with a little clip of drunken activity... I don't think we will be seeing that after an advert for a very long time though !!

So back to drinkaware.co.uk, I was saying that I never remember to go and check out this site. But for a government site I am pleasantly surprised there are interactive sections regarding units of alcohol consumed and interesting facts about drinking and lifestyle. The survey surprised me, Londoners drink far more units per head than anywhere else in the country. Is that because of the multi-cultural aspects or just the rigours of city living making us drink more?

Or as usual any excuse to have a drink ....

Reference: http://www.drinkaware.co.uk

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1211944/Doctors-urge-total-ban-alcohol-advertising.html

Miss Marple or Magnum PI .....

Can you believe of all the things to watch and realise something from it or learn something from it,
was ''They do it with mirrors ..... Miss Marple''
by Agatha Christie ...
don't misunderstand, I love Agatha Christie stories,
being a bit of a crime story enthusiast I love detective stories.

Maybe I am secretly yearning to be the female version of Magnum PI - without the ''tache''. So, what did I learn you may ask.

Well maybe something I should have learned 20+ years ago you may say ..... It was that self - control is my biggest ally.
I touched on it in my ''slipping post'' but I just realised that really it's only self -control that can save you from your own demons or as my friend says that monkey on your back. Call it conscience even, but for me it is 100% self-control, or rather the previous lack of it....

I have to have it to stop from reaching that first drink. If I am strong then I don't pick it up as after the first one my self-control gets weaker and weaker with each subsequent drink.....
And judging by all the concern over alcohol consumption these days I am not the only one it happens to.

So how is your self-control, is it alcohol, gambling, eating, smoking even swearing ..... what's your weak point and how can you strengthen your resolve. Now I can talk about lack of self-control but what can you do to improve it. Think about the risks first I suppose, risk to life and limb especially if you can't resist driving fast cars or bare knuckle fighting ... ahem, hopefully not.

Family and friends may support you but only if you talk to them, let them know what is happening and how difficult it is to reign in your self-control over certain things. Ask your work colleagues to hold you back if you feel like bopping your boss on the nose every time he walks in the office !! or it won't only be your self - control that is in trouble.
It's all a matter of recognising when you lose your self-control and strategising to avoid those times.... easier said than done I know, but get a good back up system in place and you are half way there. The rest is up to you .....

And luck, good luck .... and plenty of it.

References: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Miss_Marple
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Magnum,_P.I. http://www.agathachristie.com/story-explorer/stories/they-do-it-with-mirrors-1/

Changing his life ...

This article was written in 2004, but Paul sums up briefly his own experience:

Paul Moss recently left London for Stroud, putting years of alcohol abuse behind him in the process. Here he describes how the move has helped him change his life.

Here in Stroud I find myself in a minority, which has nothing to do with my fanatical support of Arsenal or my love of yiddish folk music. No, I am one of the few people who does not drink alcohol, not even on the most special of occasions. I am one of those grateful recovering alcoholics.It has always struck me as odd that now that I no longer indulge I am, in the eyes of many, still an alcoholic. There are a couple of ways to look at this apparent paradox. I tend to look at alcoholism as a physical, spiritual and emotional allergy to the stuff. It was after more than twenty years of relentless and painful self-abuse, that finally here in Stroud I have found a bit of peace in my life.

Coming round
It's all very difficult to explain. It's a bit like I had a drink somewhere in my teens and then came round some two decades later in a strange rural town wondering if it had all been a terrible nightmare and "could I get on with my A levels now please!".I grew up in London and that was where I finished my drinking. About a year ago It was suggested to me that I take myself away for a few months to a place where I had no connections, basically somewhere I could make a fresh start without the distraction or temptation of old haunts. The landscape has changed. My life here in Gloucestershire is simple for now. It is an amazingly beautiful county in which to come round. When the senses have shut down for so long, walking along the canal at dawn or hurtling across Minchinhampton Common on my bike works wonders on the will to live.

Reference:http://www.bbc.co.uk/gloucestershire/focus/2004/11/paul.shtml

Oh dear

Where does the time go to ... don't worry it's a rhetorical question since I realise you probably can't be bothered to answer .. but don't worry I don't mind.

I wrote out out a whole post in my head last night and then promptly fell asleep and it was such a good one too.

I have been so busy this last month since my last post, but as I posted on another forum it doesn't mean I haven't been thinking of alcohol ... it just means I have been busy.

Well, the discussion was are there triggers that make us want to drink or feel like drinking. I think most days I get aggravated by idiots on the road I want a drink, or someone pushes in the queue in front of me - hmph .... pass me a double brandy (and that was NEVER my drink) ....

It's difficult to quantify what a trigger would be though in reality, as anything could remind a person, from a birthday party (happy, happy times) to a bereavement (sad, sad times) so who knows what would be the trigger for someone else. I have been making a note of some of mine, but to admit they are numerous makes me feel a bit of a failure really. Who knew ?

I suppose at certain times of feeling that way in general, a whole load of small incidences could make me want a drink and then do I lump them all together as one time or re-count them as separate times .... I don't know, I will just keep a note and look back when required ...

So I am hoping that this post makes you think of your triggers, times that make you feel you want to drink, and even if you are not addicted you may recognise those times and say to yourself you won't sup alcohol just because something bad happened and requires condolences of your head buried in a bottle or a happy event ''demands'' a celebratory drink ....

Image: http://www.cartoonstock.com/newscartoons/cartoonists/ksc/lowres/kscn371l.jpg

http://weblogs.baltimoresun.com/entertainment/dining/reviews/blog/hangover.bmp

Shaky ... is it spelt correctly ... !

Today has been the ultimate culmination of a good few weeks of practically non-stop hell I have been going through. I turn left it's wrong, I turn right I have trod on someone's foot - now no-one would want me treading on their foot that's for sure. But I am considering it's all self -pity and an excuse to ''slip''. I could down a large drink in one and not feel any of it 'touch the sides' as it were ...

I think I mentioned before how I hate that word in regards to drinking alcohol after a period of abstention. I ''slipped'' meaning I went on a bender. Don't get me wrong, I have an addiction too. But I wouldn't say that 'an intention to drink alcohol today' is a slip or an excuse.

I said I am shaky and thank goodness when I looked it up online, that firstly the spelling is correct and secondly the meaning is EXACTLY how I feel (especially number 4 !!):

''Main Entry: shaky
Pronunciation: \ˈshā-kē\
Function: adjective
Inflected Form(s): shak·i·er; shak·i·est
1 : characterized by shakes

2 a : lacking stability :precarious b : lacking in firmness (as of beliefs or principles) c : lacking in authority or reliability : questionable

3 a : somewhat unsound in health b : characterized by shaking

4 : likely to give way or break down''
Reference:http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/shaky

I am sitting here, it's 4.30pm and rather than go and buy alcohol I am typing this, watching a film on tv and generally telling myself I am not going to drink today/tonght. If it means I don't leave the house today - at all, then so be it (to buy alcohol).

Therefore, to me it's not a 'slip' to drink alcohol it would be giving in to my cravings, my desire to drink. I am stronger than that ....... for now.

Images from: http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1425/726871137_11c9087efb_o.jpg

http://fc06.deviantart.com/fs48/f/2009/213/3/d/shaky_shaky_boom_boom_by_Karumen_Chan.png

There are a couple of subjects I wanted to moan about ... so what's new. But I will just go with the one for now ... you are reprieved, for now !
I was travelling home again after an appointment yesterday and well my normal channel never works properly on the radio once I am out of the signal area ... I ended up with my good old stand-by of Radio 4.
I mentioned this before on a previous post about reflection .... the presenters were discussing about how hard it was to buy scissors and knives now that the new law was being enforced to the letter by ''jobsworths''. So much so that one of the women said her child was refused childrens scissors even though she was there next to the child to pay for them ... WOW ...

Now something similar happened to me and I went mad ... I asked my 14 year old child to carry a 6 pack of bottled beer for me as my shopping basket was full and very heavy ... bearing in mind this is non-alcoholic beer and I was standing right next to her ... the cashier said she shouldn't even be carrying the beer !! I was insensed ... was I right or wrong ?

In this day and age of political correctness the world has gone mad ... I can see from my own point of view, oh so mad was I on this issue, until I heard a text they read out, from a lady who works as a cashier ... she stated that these days they are so stressed over these rules and regs that they even ask pensioners how old they are for fear of inadvertently selling the goods to underage people ..... well, that raised a smile at least ....

My point is that why do we have so many kids on the streets drinking alcohol that most purchased for themselves ? It appears scissors and knives run a high risk of teenagers using them to kill or wound other people ... but what about alcohol. It increases risky behaviour and loss of control facilitating the use of dangerous implements and increasing the childs confidence to perform such dangerous acts ... giving them a false sense of immortality.

It appears, as usual, one rule over imposed on one side and slackly observed on the other ....

Image from: http://locallygrownnorthfield.org/post/2281/
http://mayfieldchina1.blogspot.com/2008_02_01_archive.html

Addiction

What have I become
in this false fantasy?
Thriving on something sweet,
submerging into another world.
Without it I tumble
transforming into nothing.
I'm locked in a stalemate
not capable to stir.
Look closely through my eyes,
as deep as the end of sight.
See! My ailment and do
your very best to repair.
Save me from this ogre
I have become, before
I sit in a dark painful void...

lost inside my addiction

by Claire Nixon

Frequency ...

How often to post is a question I have thought about ... a friend of mine **Neil !!** hasn't been posting as much as he should and it got me to thinking that a drinking alcoholic wouldn't necessarily post as much .... or would they ?

Then that lead me to question that they may actually post more but would it be a load of old rubbish or inane ramblings ...I know I do that sober, can you imagine what I would be like ''drunk writing'' ... better than ''drunk driving'' but sometimes no less painful in a different way.

I have a lot to be grateful for being sober, it has opened a new lease of life with regards to my writing ... I am able to write my blogs, keep the website open and write pieces for others and stories for submission to websites and mags.

Hey, it's not easy and I have been busy with life in general too ... things happen that I can deal with and ''do'' because of my sobriety ... it's a much different life than hangovers and ''can't do'' attitude ...

Image from: http://www.businesspundit.com/.../05/resume-writing.jpg

Where am I ?

No, it's not the drunken ramblings of an alcoholic ... not been like that for over 2 years now ... although I think my memory must have been damaged, yet some would say it's just my age ...... urgghhh.

I have been blogging but just not on here, although anyone who want's me can just email anyway. I have been so busy and I could only do that sober. I don't always bang on about drinking and certainly not in person, as it were. Only on here. Well, anyone that reads this blog knows what they are in for, so I don't mind waffling about the guilty pleasures ..erm ... I mean sins of over-indulging on the vino or beer.

I know how hard it is to get over the first few weeks and we all react differently to withdrawals and cravings. I have two friends at different levels (again) of stopping drinking ... and it doesn't appear to be any different if you are male or female. Of course age, hormones, lifestyle and other conditions have to be factored in to the situation. But the actual craving and caving seems to be very, very similar.

The general gist is crave the drink, fight the feeling, crave some more,
fight it, then the crave gets so strong you just say give me the drink, no matter the cost.

The cost usually being higher than the financial price. I have supported friends with these cravings but in the end it is up to the person, and yet I feel so helpless when a friend asks for help and I feel I am ''doing a good job'' talking them out of it, only to find out that a few days later they had a drink ...